UK Football Fan-Mad Men Edition

Since the Season 2 debut of UK Football Fan falls the day after the Season 3 premiere of my new favorite show, Mad Men, I thought I'd kick things off with the totally unoriginal column idea of using pop culture quotes to illuminate my subject.
First off, if you aren't watching Mad Men you are missing out. For the record, I thought the season premiere was a little uneven, though the scene with Don and Salvatore on the plane ride home from Baltimore was one of the show's all-time best. And by the way, that is a Mad Men, cartoon me on the right.

With apologies to Bill Simmons, here goes.



"I want you to do something for me Pete. I want you to get a cardboard box, and put all your stuff in it. "

This is a rather ominous way to start out, but it is my favorite line. This goes to Steve Ortmeyer, who should be another disastrous special teams year from being shown the door. Three roughing the kicker penalties probably cost us the Vandy game. A blocked chip-shot field goal nearly led to a loss against Middle Tennessee. Two consecutive blocked punts cost our team its last shred of dignity in the Florida debacle. Field goal kicking has been a glaring weakness in our otherwise pretty decent three year bowl string. The list goes on and on. In fairness, the Cats did some good things in the kick return game and by-and-large in kick coverage last year. Still, the overall showing has been abysmal. Special teams use the same kids as the offense and defense. That they execute so poorly has to fall in some measure on coaching.



"Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

Don's words to Peggy after she has given up her baby is really a description of how he lives his own life.

Last year UK took a potentially soul killing beatdown at Florida in stride, gaining bowl eligibility the following week in Starkville then playing perhaps its best game of the year in a loss to Georgia. This season's early schedule is much harder than in the recent past. UK could easily take a 2-4 record (including a blowout loss or two) into the second half of the season and still end up in a bowl game. Right after the tough part of the schedule comes an easy stretch from October 17 to November 14. At that point we go Louisiana-Monroe (Home), Mississippi State (H), EKU (H) and Vandy (A). Neither the team nor its fans should freak out over big losses or the failure to get an upset win before that point. Short memories could be helpful.

"Don Draper: We should get married.

Midge: You think I'd make a good ex-wife?"

Gene Chizek brings his five combined wins in his last two years at Iowa State to Auburn, a school that just ran off a coach who went 13-0 in 2004 and 11-2 as recently as 2006. A winnable road game for the Cats on October 17th.

"Eugene, I'm in the persuasion business, and frankly I'm disappointed by your presentation."
Peggy eviscerates a suitor during an office party.

Papa Brooks' explanation aside, I must confess I am a little concerned that UK has only three prospects signed for its 2010 class.



"Having money and education does not take the rude edge out of people"

Be prepared for a nasty fight at Vandy this year. They will have a decent squad again, and bowl eligibility for one or both teams will be hanging in the balance, as it has for the last several years when this game is played.

"Peggy, this is isn't China. There's no money in virginity."

To my man Tim Tebow. See you September 26th. Uhhh. . .be gentle?


"Pete: Is Don on board with my promotion?
Duck: I'm the President, I don't need his permission, do I?"

To the UK brass, for making a head scratching decision to give Randy Sanders the title of Offensive Coordinator while promoting Joker to "Head Coach of the Offense" or something funny like that. These are smart guys, and I think they know that as long as Joker is calling the plays, he is still the OC. I don't think anyone else, such as a potential employer for Coach Sanders down the road, is going to be fooled either.



"You wanna be on vacation Pete? Cause I can make that happen."

To Aaron Boyd, who by all accounts is running out of chances.



Doctor: "So, Mr. Draper, you haven't had a physical in quite some time."
Don Draper: "Yeah. I eat a lot of apples."

As improved as the rest of our offense may or may not be, Randall Cobb is the key. Not only will he be the focal point at receiver, he'll get many snaps as a Wildcat package QB and return punts. We'll need to get the ball in his hands 10-15 times a game to be the most successful. Outside of Trevard Lindley and Micah Johnson, he is the team's best player. Here is the problem issue with Randall. Dude gets hurt. Last year, he missed two and a half early games with a high ankle sprain along with the Liberty Bowl due to an unrelated knee injury. Cobb has already been held out of some drills this preseason with hip issues. If UK cannot keep him on the field, the offense will assuredly struggle. This is an angle people don't seem to be talking up, but Cobb's health may be the real key to the season.


Don: "What kind of agency do we want to be?"
Roger: "The kind where everyone has a summer house?"

As great as its ensemble cast is, John Slatterly's turn as cynical, pragmatic leach Roger Sterling is the standout performance of the show. I smile every time he comes on camera.

Most fans know intellectually that we don't have the geography, recruiting demographics, or the long term tradition to become a year in and year out SEC powerhouse like Florida, Georgia, LSU or Alabama. These schools may have an occasional hiccup, or a temporary downturn, but will be on the national map almost always. A realistic goal for UK is to be in a tier right below that. Be competitive in every game, consistently beat every SEC doormat, get to a bowl every year, join the hunt for Outback, Chick-Fil-A and Capital One births and every once in a while put it all together for a special season.

The truth is, we are teetering on the edge of having all of this. We are also very close to being back where we were the morning of the LSU game in 2006. Take away two or three plays last year, and we are looking at a 4-8. Most observers would agree that despite only one less win, last year's team was not nearly as good as the two before it. Still, that team persevered, kept the train rolling and was a play or five from finishing even better than the 6-6 most fans would have taken before the year started.

The 2009 Cats look very similar to last year's in terms of talent. Better offense, weaker defense and special teams. Like last year, this team can do some good things, but there isn't going to be much margin for error. A coach of mine used to say, "Football is a game of inches, and we need to play the long inches." This years team is going to have to play the long inches to be successful.

If it does so, a fourth straight bowl and an improved standing in a wide open SEC East race (at least for spots 3-6) could put the program where it needs to be for some time. It is worth playing for.